In the last couple of months I have been going back and forth on my decision of letting go of my ex-girlfriend and her son.

At first the situation seemed clear as a sunny day…   If we break up, it is better to make a clean cut and stop seeing each other, this decision was never honored.  At first it was my ex that called or emailed out of the blue to say that she missed me and after a couple of months it was phone calls where she would put her son on the phone so he could talk to me.  This threw me completely of guard (and it is not like I was really conscious at that moment.  I was going thru my third childhood, partying and drinking in excess).

After an epiphany that came about as a result of a party that went sour, I decided to cut back on the self destructive doses of distraction and out of a very harsh and spiritual experience (involving walking barefoot and without water on a beach for six hours) It all came extremely clear to me.   Either I solve the root of my issues or I am destined to let the things that I enjoy from life slip thru hands like water thru a sifter.

So now sober and with a clear head I set out to put balance for once and for all in my life.

One of the things I needed to sort out was a way to be able to focus on my life without my ex dropping a phone call or e-mail abruptly and throwing everything violently into an emotional chaos.

A kind of “Eureka”  moment took me in rapture,  ”All I need to do is get this woman out of my life and everything will fall into place”. Oh! how wrong I was!

First mistake:  It is impossible to “just get someone out of your life” especially if there is love in the equation.  As soon as I decided to share with her my fatal determination (In the form of a short but substantive email), the first thing that would pop into my mind in the morning was….  guess who…

HER!!!!!!

And it wasn’t only in the morning it was at periodical and excruciating intervals, it came to a point where I even  lost sleep, (Jeez!  her memory was more effective than my morning double espresso),Just a glitch in my head that recalled her face, hair, eyes or even stubby toes and that was it!  dilated pupils, racing heart, and an anxiety equal to that of a race horse in the start box.

So like a good entrepreneur and inventor of useless things I went back and reassessed the solution.  And so I realized that the problem was not with the woman, it was something more profound…

IT’S ALL ABOUT ADDICTIONS!

Why not!   To be honest I actually was never “in love” with my ex (Ale if you are reading this you know that I wen’t on directly into loving you with all my heart), at first I didn’t even put up a fight when she said it was over, so why am I going thru this roller coaster  ride of emotional outbursts when the reasons for letting her go was as clear as sunshine a couple of months ago?

IT’S  WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS!

So if I wan’t to stop being the welcome mat of my own self pity I have to eradicate addictions.  So why not stop all addictions?  Let’s start with smoking!

Uhhhh! Now that’s what I call “wuebos”.

So I am off with my renewed sense of direction and meaning.  “I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul” No more cigarettes for me.  And guess what?  It has been as easy as 1 times 1.  I stopped smoking and I have been feeling great.  So now at the top of my game, ready to take on all of the trials and tribulations that life can throw at me (And I should of listened to Paul Simon more often about his 50 ways) I feel the strong urge to let others participate in my conquest of my most distasteful addiction.  So guess who I call first…

MY EX!

Why not! I mean she was the reason for me to stop smoking. right?

Wrooooong!

Second mistake, very much related to the first one. Even though I know she is the reason why I stopped smoking (she kinda put it as as a “sine qua non” for getting back together) she had absolutely nothing to do with my internal process and quick fix I get when I flagellate myself with her memory. And to be perfectly clear, the only thing that I was doing was revealing my emotional instability and thus hindering any possibility of gaining her heart again.

So back to the drawing board.  It is a certainty that my problem is that of an addict (and I don’t mean to demean the nature of my love towards the departed but the symptoms are clear).   So what is the root of my insecurities?  What is it that is so strong that can help me be distracted from a habit of more than 20 years (cigarettes) without even flinching?

I know addictions are intimately related to fear.  What am I afraid of?

The only answer is quite somber.

It appears that I am afraid of being fulfilled.  It seems that I sabotage my happiness.

And that is where the real problem lies and now is the focus of my work for personal development.

So wish me luck and let’s try to bring some sense into this ordeal.

(P.S. Ale and Dominic you are the inspiration and root cause of my will to change.  I hope one day my experience can help you as well)

To Hell with fear!
let vice turn into habit!
lets create an upheaval for our peers!

One generally accepted fact says that limits are not only necessary, they are part of the definition of who we are as individuals, it is the way that we establish our likes and dislikes, our capabilities and our deficits.  We all need some sort of limits in order to focus on what is important in our life.

The problem lies in the relationship between limits and the sacrifices that sometimes are needed in order to fulfill a commitment. Where is the dividing line?  How far must a sacrifice go in order for it to surpass the limits of what is acceptable for a person to endure and still have a sense of dignity?

See the problem?

Like all ethical problems, it needs to be solved on a case by case basis.

For this priorities must be set.  What is important in your life?  Is it work? Is it your family? Is it your social life? In short one must define what one understands as the “quality in life”.

Personally some of my worst mistakes have evolved around the time spent in work and the amount of energy and consciousness provided to it.  I have gone overboard and worked an insane amount of hours and other times I have been so caught up with the personal problems (generally related to the fact that I worked to hard) that I can’t truly focus on being productive.

I know there is balance that must be achieved here.

The other aspect of my life where limits are fuzzy evolves around relationships (amorous and recently even friendly) I don’t know where to draw the line between acceptance of the people I care about and the requirements that need to be fulfilled so my needs are met.  I usually get my head so involved in my idea of commitment that I forget about myself (maybe because I have the idea of “heroic love” you know… the love that remains even if your partner get’s sick and you have to tend to even their basic needs).

Buddhism has taught me that there is always a way to release yourself from the clutch of suffering:  Be always conscious of the moment and do not dwell in the past or future, live and experience the present and there you will find limitless space.

It is a way that you can let a thief enter an empty house where nothing can be taken away and in a sense this is true, just the thought helps me release my grasp on the pain that some sacrifices have endured.  But let’s be honest you can’t go around the world in the form of a door mat you have to be wise and recognize what is truly beneficial to you and to the transgressor of limits, sometimes you need to turn the other cheek and in others, if prudence requires it,  a clear and energetic stand must be made so no more violence can be bestowed upon you.

So with this idea one can realize that no limits are necessary if one recognizes that we are a whole and divine participation of being.  With this in mind and with moment clear and present one can act with resolve and without fear and release ourselves of the tyranny of sacrifice, that only serves martyrs.  And come on! Who really want’s the life of a martyr?  I’d much rather be a hero.

Be here and now and you will find no limits!  And thus you will always be present where you need to be.

I have to pay homage to Larry Lessig, he is an inspiration as a relentless activist that has the right appreciation of current world issues.  His current field of study and action,  the influence of money in political systems and/or corruption constitutes what may very well be one of the most critical flaws in contemporary western societies, and Dr. Lessig’s political actions could start a dialog that may revive trust and interest in a struggling public sector.

That being said I believe that it is necessary to observe that the focus taken in Dr. Lessig’s work is feeble and like the Creative Commons “movement” lacks a well grounded criticism and line of action against the status quo, it may very well be a simmered down version of a revolt or a rethorical revolution that due to it’s political “correctness” becomes a threat to real political change.

But before I continue disserting on Lessig’s work I would like to give a little background information about myself and my perception on corruption.

I am mexican and thus corruption is a reality that I must deal with on a daily basis, here corruption or “the influence of money” is something that we have been taught to live with and in most cases admire or respect “el que no tranza no avanza” (he who does not cheat does not  move forward) is a common saying here, we learn since a very young age that everything and everyone has a price, running a red light may cost you 5 dollars and even murder, while more expensive, also has a price tag.

But this is not because mexicans are “uncivilized”, no, Mexico has had the dreadful misfortune of historically being misrepresented by it’s political and socio-economical paradigms that have historically made ill attempts to treat Mexico as a nation with a homogeneous culture that can be “framed” under a set of norms that are abstract enough to comprehend the intricacies of our extremely diverse backgrounds.  But the truth that underlies our reality is that not all norms can apply unless enforced by violence or settled informally thru a compromise.

That is a constant in our history, a double standard by which we have lived and died, you keep the appearance of legality while their is a an unwritten settlement that brings some sense of harmony, you can appreciate this in all of our major historical events, from our independence (where we formally rose against the french and not the spaniards), Reforma War, Revolution, the settlement of a party dictatorship of the “institutionalized” revolution,  and even to the “Zapatista” revolution, but the most flagrant example comes in the embodiment of a “legitimate” presidency currently being led by Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador, but that is another subject .

I have learned thru experience that corruption is not only a matter of money and its influence, it is a trait of a system.  Money does not corrupt the perfection state, it simply helps reach a compromise where formality requires a different outcome.   The truth of the matter is that a system becomes corrupt when it does not represent the values it was intended to uphold, when it doesn’t reach the objectives it was set out to attain, it is in the case of Mexico the lack of representation and acknowledment of the reality of Mexico.

So I would ask the reader:  Isn’t this the case in any country?

There is more to corruption than just influence.  Sure, money is regularly involved, but in a political system money is not the main input, there are compromises, wars and mainly human values, and if you are to value a system by objective standards “input” is a key factor.

And here lies the heart of my thesis and the center of criticism towards Dr. Lessig’s “movement”.  He is prompt to point out that problem of an alcoholic is not his liver, his desegregated family and finances, he claims that the problem is the alcoholism instead, but I go a little further on my appreciation of the problem, it is not alcoholism that is the root of his problems, it is the experiences, fears, traumas and overall emotional a personal instability that made him prone to be an alcoholic that must be handled before he can say he has found a cure.

My appreciation of corruption (in the political, economical and spiritual fields) is that western systems themselves have a fundamental flaw, and it derives from the triumph of individualist values over our social nature, we are in fact desegregated, torn apart, and simply taken out of our natural context.

Our fundamental flaw derives from the foundations of our political systems, it’s values were enthroned in the context of the 18th century a moment in history when humanity needed to understand the purpose of  individual worth and sphere of liberty, but in the midst of this endevour we set a direction that has shaped our reality, and is to my understanding the main cause of our political apathy and social unawareness.

But here comes the critical question: what needs to be done?

To be honest I truly believe that Dr. Lessig is in the right path, he is setting a pace opening a discussion that will without a doubt result in positive criticisms and actions.  But we have to go further and revise our foundations, we have to asks ourselves if we are going to keep on believing in the liminal stages set forth by the extremely obnoxious “enlightened thinkers”  we have to revise Rousseau, Adam Smith,  Hobbes and all of the master minds that shaped the structure of our political systems.

There is one critical stance that must be taken: We have to come to realize that our actions have an effect that reaches more than our own state of being, we are social creatures that are ill equiped to survive the hostile environments set by nature, but nature itself gave us the inmensely powerfull gift of social behaviour.

With this I hope to contribute with this discussion and maybe influence those close to me.

I have been absorbed lately with the study of networks, nations, society and communities, their mechanisms and structure, their essence and their conceptual relationships. This interest has been with me for the last seven years and it has always been able to amaze me and help me understand the different roles one takes in as an individual and as a member in a society and communities, which in themselves are networks.

In the middle of my studies in law school I encountered Alfredo Cruz Prado’s book “Ethos y Polis” Basis for the reconstruction of a political philosophy. This work affected me deeply, it struck an essential chord of my being, it helped me realize that there is something fundamentally wrong in society and that illness had affected my way of interacting with society since I was a child.

Ethos y Polis is a philosophical treatise that embarks on the gigantic task of revisiting modern socio-political structures from their foundations. It starts of by stating proof of the insufficiency of the current political categories (liberalism, socialism, communitarian’s doctrines, etc.) and it then goes to establish that political rationale must be a practical rationale.

Dr. Prados’ thesis states that in order to revive politics and shift it’s instrumental nature towards a true “common good” one must start by dissolving modern political knowledge, a solution must not come from a vision of State as the primary source of politics, it must come from the recognition that politics flourishes from active agents (purposefully avoiding the term “individuals” that helped establish the liberal state), and their practical rationality. Hoping that a well informed and well connected individual will always find virtue and consequently act “ethically”.

So in layman’s terms, the future of politics must be ethics. Dr. Cruz Prado is not wrong in this, as a matter of fact there is a strong tendency to dismantle the “State” and with that the means for traditional politics and now, in the face of inter-connected non-territorial communities, authority (as in recognized knowledge) is starting to regain ground over power (as in bestowed faculties by nature or legal statutes).

I believe that this is one of the critical debates in our society and it must not evolve around mere concepts we need to gather knowledge from all fields of human activity and design systems that allow humans to be active with a deep notion and understanding that even though we may present certain differences, we are all part of an intricate inter related system, we are above all human.

So this is the first post of what I wish to be a series of digressions and analysis of human systems (call them networks, nations, societies or communities), their nature, origins and potential, originally inspired by Dr. Alfredo Cruz Prados and now reignited by Dr. Lawrence Lessig and his work on corruption.

It will be a wonderfully bumpy ride.

What is the driving force behind our actions? How can we be attentive to a “purpose” in life? How can we measure the strength of our actions?

Yosho Yamamoto had an idea:

“I have the impression that todays young samurai have set their goals lamentably low. They have the furtive vision of thieves. Most are only searching for personal interests and to make gala of their intelligence. Even those appear to have a calm soul are only showing a facade. This attitude is not convenient. A Samurai is only truly a Samurai in the measure that it has no other desire than to die quickly and be pure of spirit, offering his life to the master”.

This is a good way to start my posts, I guess one of the main reasons I haven’t been able to be constant at writing my blog is because I have generated a series of expectations where my intellectual, technical skill and good taste is immediately recognized and referred to. But I guess these are the state of things, and we have to thank “google” for it’s wondrous system for giving value to our social acceptance by referral, I mean common! Who hasn’t done a vanity search?

I truly believe and know of plenty of authors that don’t waste their energy and time in taking on spreading pointless information, in an era that is reigned by the “youtubes”, “myspaces” and “user generated dis-content”. So I dedicate this post to the Samurai’s of information i.e.: John Maeda, Lee Brimlow, and all those that don’t mind staying up all night (even if their drunk; your kinda sweeping some sss in some videos Lee) in front of a monitor, notepad or book to share their art even without the slightest possibility of retribution. THANK YOU.